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I`m on this great new diet where I spend all my grocery money on strippers.
I drink to make other people interesting.
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
The tragedy of Scooby-Doo is that whoever kept supplying criminals with such realistic prosthetic masks was never caught.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn`t Nintendo.