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Nothing is as scary as logging into Facebook and seeing someone you were secretly with last night has uploaded a new album.
The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
The problem with working from home is the absence of sexual harassment.
If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..