Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
Remember kids- Respect your fathers! Besides, before you came out of your moms, you came out of your dad.
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can`t remember where I parked my car.
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen
What do 95% of men do after an orgasm? Delete their browser history.
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know