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I just called. To say. I texted you.
As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
"Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that`s right...send.
Do the people inside mascot costumes also smile when they have their photos taken?