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Ha! Who`s laughing now, f*ckers that took your Christmas lights down last year!
I`m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
Do you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, "that can`t be right"?
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
Just noticed there`s no comma in "Bed Bath & Beyond" and honestly, a bed bath would solve a lot of my problems.
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
HR and I apparently disagree on what "debriefed" means.
You never really know if you`re over someone until you`re in the car and they`re in the crosswalk.
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.