Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
Marriage is for quitters
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
I just responded to a text message with: I can`t hear you, you`re breaking up.
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
This status has been censored by Facebook
Friends would describe me as classy, sassy and a bit smart-assy.
My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.