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It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
My home security system is a series of paintings with the eyes cut out.
Iām just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
All the guys in working out photos look like they`re straining or in pain, but there`s lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy. Just saying.
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
I really hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
Sometimes, I wonder if the weather app on my phone even looks outside.
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn`t starving!!
I don`t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it
Parts of my body are turning 50 Shades of Gray
If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch