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I wish common sense was more common.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
In light of recent events, I have no choice but to deduct a full star from my Yelp review of Earth.
I`d watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.
I don`t need WebMD to tell me what`s wrong with me, I have my mother.