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I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
McDonald`s sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.
My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn`t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought Iād take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
Don`t talk about yourself so much... we`ll do that when you leave.
Life`s short ... Drink fast
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.