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Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
With my background and genetics, you guys should be happy I am half as normal as I am.
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.
Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.