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Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...
it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.