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A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
I regret nothing but mostly because I can`t remember most of the stuff I should probably regret
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
The problem with diets is pizza.
Don´t call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious"
The first sign of laziness:
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
I never run with scissors…those last two words were unnecessary.
If you pour two beers into one glass, it becomes just one beer.
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else`s
If 3 people have sex, it`s called a 3-some. If 2 people have sex, it`s called a 2-some. I guess we now know why they call you HAND-some.