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I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
Sometimes I think if it weren`t for the gutter my mind would be homeless...
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
My job blocked the Favstar website and I`m not sure if I should quit or take hostages. Haha! Jk. I`m totally taking hostages.
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at