Daily Silly Status

I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.

I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.

I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.

I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.

if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.

He won`t let me complain to the neighbors, so I renamed the WiFi to `SHUT YOUR DOG UP, D!CKS`

My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.

Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.

Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....

Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..

I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.

You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.

Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.

Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.