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I`m not impatient. You`re just slow.
Googling ways to dispose of a body, mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
*Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.