Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
I would leave my house a LOT more if I could take the couch with me and wear my pajamas.
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved
"Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we`re gonna have to ask you to leave."
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing Domino`s."
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.