Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
I wish I could veto MY bills.
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".
Helpful tip #12: Never buy all the tools you need to kidnap, kill and bury someone from just one store.
That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead!
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!
Sorry, Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.