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I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
Boss: Are you high? Me: You and I both know that I don`t make enough money to have a drug habit.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
I bet Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.
The wife and I never really argue except on where to vacation. I wanna go to the beach and she wants to come with me
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.