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I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
Alcohol doesn’t make you fat… it makes you Lean… on tables, chairs & random ugly people.
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
I`m on a whiskey diet. So far I`ve lost 3 days.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.