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Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
A yawn is a silent scream for coffee!
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
Facebook: Wasting peoples lives since 2004
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
The next person that tells me I have no shame…probably knows me pretty darn well.
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.