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I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
I just made you think of an elephant
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
Chuck Norris doesn`t flush the toilet...he just scare the sh!t out of it.
Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!