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Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
A hard thing about business is minding your own
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
Thanks to Facebook, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
What’s the answer to this question?
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.
No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don`t want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.
I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter`s date. ..then I told him it`s much faster after 11pm
My wife accused me of spending too much time on Facebook. That’s funny, when did I get a wife?
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.