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Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
I fake my LOLs
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!
Don`t be afraid of a few extra pounds, fat people are much harder to kidnap.
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors
No one should be surprised that so many statuses are about unhappiness and failure. You don’t end up on Facebook by making good life decisions.
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!