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"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
There`s a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad". It`s more like "Her old a$$ should know better"
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone’s numbers again, I text them: “Guess who?” for 2 weeks.
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
From now on when someone asks you where you`re from look them dead in the eye and say: Planet Venus.
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
Beer is like sex. When it’s good it’s good…when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice? The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."