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Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home.
My tricks aren`t for kids.
Hitting the snooze button is like hitting the “Next Episode” button on Netflix… it’s going to happen at least 3 times.
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
It is a sad day when you go to all the trouble of getting a Frontal Lobotomy and no one notices.....................
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...