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If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
Me: Mom…Dad. I’ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: Ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside.
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
My friends always use to say, "there`s plenty of fish in the sea." But looks like I ignored their advice and ended up marrying a whale.
Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.
Folks, there`s no need to say GOODNIGHT on Facebook. NO ONE will be thinking " hey where did they go".
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.