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My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
Kiss her in the middle of her sentence so you don`t have to hear what she`s talking about.
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
If Monday had a face, I´d punch it.
I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
When you`re a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.