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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business" always be followed by, "but"?
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
Walking past a new employee`s desk & yelling, "Do you think it`s a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."
There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.