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Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
"He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I`d totally hit that."
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you’re a terrible person and had it coming.
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?