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Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.
Life is so unfair, why do we always want what we don`t have? For example, right now I want tacos
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
Not now, I`m busy bringing shame to my family on the internet.
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
You can always count on me to feel you up when you`re feeling down
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.