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It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
TEIAM - problem solved
Laughter is the best medicine (that my insurance is willing to cover)
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?