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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
You just don’t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
A poem about me: I hate mornings. I wish I was drunk. The End.
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy`s laptop
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
I`ll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life i am going to "allow to cool in microwave for 1 minute"!
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..
Yes, I used to "dance like no one is watching"; at least until Google Earth sent me a certificate for ten free lessons.
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.