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McDonald`s should have a 3rd window, where you can trade in all the wrong sh!t they gave you at the second window.
Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don’t trust it. Everyone knows it’s impossible to drive without eating the fries.
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other,it`s given me another reason to stare.
In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
People without kids: I`ll never yell at my kids ... People with kids: I DONT KNOW WHY SOMEONE SPIT THEIR GUM ON THE ROAD, JUST WALK!
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
I carry a knife, but it`s just in case of cake.