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Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.
bras are booby-traps
What do women say when they are actually fine?
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.