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You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
I DON`T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON - Never mind, I found it.
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
I dream about naps.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.