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I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
A reality show where a couple wins $10 million dollars if they show nobody a picture of their baby for the first 2 years.
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin ... I don’t even know what that means, but now I’m hungry.
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
Just realized the irony of putting Bacon on my VeggieBurger..........
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on