Daily Silly Status

For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.

I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.

Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians

I was playing catch phrase with my family and the phrase I got was `pearl necklace` .. And then I ruined family time...

I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.

I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.

Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.

“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.

Apparently members of the Westboro Baptist Church were outside a theater when the marquee gave way and came crashing down injuring several of them amidst their protest. Witnesses overhead many of the members muttering to themselves, "It must be a sign."

Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.

Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Wait… Regular or Asian?

This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.

Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"

If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore

I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.