Daily Silly Status

I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there

I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.

Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.

I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.

Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.

Futons are the most disappointing Transformers ever.

I havend`t heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he`s okay.

I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.

ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable

I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.

So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle

I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.

Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.

LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.

Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.