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If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
I said "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t." but the judge didn`t buy it.
Your cat doesn`t love you. If it were bigger it would eat you.
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.