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There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don`t want to know."
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
But in my most troublesome times, I looked down and saw only one set of footprints. I asked the Lord why, and He replied that sand people ride single file to hide their numbers.
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
If Iām not eating Iām most likely not happy.
Note to self: Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you get out of a DUI.
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.