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When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
I`ve run out of things to be upset about. I hope Justin Bieber has kids soon.
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.