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My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink at night.
I may have let you down, but it`s your fault for having such high hopes.
You`re exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Life…it’s just an “F” in lie.
What is depression? Depression is when you buy a new hula-hoop and it fits you.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.