Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
Twerking is just shaking your a$$? Why did we need a new word? A$$-shaking has served us well for centuries.
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?
Don`t tell me to make myself at home if you don`t want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.
The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.