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What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
There`s no life problem that a good "F*ck this shit" can`t solve.
Much of my life is a contest to see which of the voices in my head can say the funniest stuff.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.