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What number SPF blocks people?
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
Oh honey, you`re not pretty enough to be that stupid
The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat…It’s watching what other people eat.
Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
I am having one of those days where my middle finger answers every question.