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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.
I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
If, in your relationship, you hear "You`re suffocating me", you`re probably not holding down the pillow hard enough.
I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
I checked my calendar, and I won`t give a f*ck tomorrow either.
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`
Patiently waiting for the Prozac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!