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It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other, it`s given me another reason to stare.
If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called Lunch.
I order all my food with extra gluten.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
Apparently my socks never remember “The Buddy System” whenever I wash them.
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
One way to find out if you`re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you`re young, if they panic, you`re old.
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?