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only fights if pillows are present.
Seagull Manager; Someone who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everyone and then leaves.
There’s a good reason I’m up this late: because I have to wake up really early.
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
Do you ever just look at someone and think "Wow, let me take off your pants."
Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.