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My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.