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I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
This year for Lent I`m giving up hanging out with all the people who gave up drinking for Lent.
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.