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As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!!
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
No officer, my speech isn`t slurred. I`m just talking in cursive.
I swear, if my memory gets any worse I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
What if there actually is one legit Nigerian millionaire prince who genuinely needs to use your bank account?
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
I like to go to the bathroom with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.
Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they`re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.