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Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
To all the people who think they don`t need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
Whatever it is ... I didn´t do it!
*uses Ouija board* NEW PHONE WHO DIS
Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
After a night of heavily drinkin` there`s one thing I can`t stand...and that`s up.
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
Turns out the plastic bag they put in your ice bucket at a hotel isn`t for to-go bacon from the breakfast buffet.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.