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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
I try to avoid nice people, so they can stay that way.
Married 24 years now. All I recall about my wedding day is something about death.
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
This day needs more yesterday.
I`ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.