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Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
Often I convince myself I enjoy the company of other humans. Then I spend time with them and remember I don`t.
ATTENTION: Upon further consideration, I am once again pushing back the debut of my summer beach bod. Thank you for your patience.
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
It`s always so awkward ending phone calls with loved ones, I always say "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing domino`s"
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.