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Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
My phone dies faster than a black man in a horror film.
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
It`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.
There`s nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you`re home alone at 1 am...and you don`t have children...
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?