Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
I’m a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn`t want you to be happy."
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
Waldo wears stripes because he doesn`t want to be spotted !
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
Lazy Rule#15325434090371466: you`re so lazy you didn`t even finish reading the number.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"