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The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to open the vodka is the smartest.
It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.