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My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
Stapling water to a tree is easier than controlling your laughter at serious times.
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
I`m glad I know sign language. It`s pretty handy.
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
I really don`t get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she`s at least 18.
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.
I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it`s Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.