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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
"I just launched a new fragrance!" - a great way to announce a fart
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
Think about the nicest thing anyone`s ever said about you. Not really true, right?
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines.
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets??
It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.