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Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
Everyday I run into someone who pushes me past the limits of my medication.
I don`t hate you, it`s just, if you were on fire. I would roast marshmallows.
I`m never free but I`m available.
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it
You can’t please everyone, so you might as well just concentrate on me.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.