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I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
Do you ever order a club sandwich just to feel like you`re a part of something?
When it comes to tantrums, I throw like a girl.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should have died in 1732.
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!