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I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.