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May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
Don`t mistake my middle finger as an offer.
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
Pro Tip: If you`re on the bus, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
I`m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
I may not have any friends but at least I know my cat will never ask me to help him move
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either