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I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone`s throat.
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.