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Dear guys: Women don`t want pictures of your d!ck. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it`s perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach`s.
Missed Connection: You were standing at the RedBox. I was in my car self pleasuring. I accidentally honked like 8 times.
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
I hope these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water because that’s how many times I need to flush.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!