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I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
I like it like that
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
There’s no “I” in team and coincidentally none in "Go f*ck yourself" either.
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
May your life one day be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
Facebook is the reason why my work is not done.