Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
What`s the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller" ?
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you`re swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.