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Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.