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that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
Smooth move.........ExLax
Money can buy imitation happiness. I’m cool with that.
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.