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I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.
Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.
I get my cardio from caffeine...
Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, poverty can’t buy you anything.
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
Roses are red, so is my wine. Refill my glass and I`ll be just fine.
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.