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"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
With the right person, you can talk about absolutely nothing for hours & feel like you spoke about everything.
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
I`ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can`t live without
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
Social media is great if you like socializing without wearing pants.
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.