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The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
Sex ed class should be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
I`m opening a bar called The Office. You`re welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I`m at The Office"
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?
Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can`t leave messages now. That`s the kind of genius I am.
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.