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According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
Nothing shall separate me from the love of beer...
If you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
A pretty important part of being a dad is waiting in the car.
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I can’t even walk down my driveway in winter.
Optimistic people want to hear the bad news first, while pessimists ask for the good. Realists just start drinking.
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.