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If my statuses had a smell.. they would smell funny
I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, "At least they picked me"
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
Life is better when you can share it with a friend that has the same sick, twisted personality as yourself.
A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
I just heard "Eye of the Tiger" and now I`m motivated to conquer the world. Or at least get out of my pajamas.
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.