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First fart at my new job.
Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
Nothing says "I dont take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you`re yelling at him.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
my friends status was "standing on the edge of a cliff" ... so I poked him
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
NO, I didn’t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
I’m having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!