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Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
My interventions would be so much more effective if every single reason I drink wasn`t there
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.