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I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I`ll be watching you. - Dog
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
As My Wife walked by, she said, "NICE PORN STASH!" which got me all excited and I preceded to show her where I hide the really raunch stuff. She then clarified that she was talking about the ugly hair I`ve been trying to grow above my lip, and now, I have neither... :)
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
Sarcasm: because beating the sh!t out of people is illegal.
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.