Daily Silly Status

I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.

I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.

We may be an advanced nation but we still have to remind employees to wash their hands when they pee.

Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.

A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?

How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend

You know you`re all grown up when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kick it under the fridge.

Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin

Win every argument simply by repeating your opponent`s last sentence in a whiny voice.

I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!

If you’re a millionaire and you don’t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool then you should just give me all of your money because you’re wasting it

I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.

What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1

I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell. :)

Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.