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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
Maybe early risers just aren’t as awesome at sleeping as I am.
Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
Iron man is a super hero, Iron woman is a command.
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
My only argument with using the treadmill, is that I can`t run away from my farts.
that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.