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Why didn`t Spider-Man`s enemies just move to a city without skyscrapers?
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
It`s not that I`m judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
I wish conversations were like user agreements, where I could skip to the end and just agree.
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I`m recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.
The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you’re talking to yourself.