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Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."