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Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
have you ever noticed `lol` looks like a drowning person?
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?