Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
Wonder if Jesus gets screwed out of birthday presents just because his birthday is so close to Santas?
Parallel park, like nobody’s laughing.
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
The trouble with jogging is, that by the time you realize you`re not in shape, it`s too far to walk back.
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Yeah, I was drowning you in a lake.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.