Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it’s like there’s just no reward for laziness.
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
i wish i could sleep ... but my damn A.D.D. kicks in and basically 1 sheep, 2 sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Ol McDonald had a farm, HEEEY Macerena.
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
The well behaved rarely make history.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.